Aleph's

Aleph's
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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Condensed from the book
DALE CARNEGIE


For nearly four decades, millions of people around the globe have used this handbook to improve their ability to get along with others. Its message is as timely as ever…

To learn how to win friends study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known. You may meet him tomorrow coming down the street. When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail. If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you. A dog makes friends by being genuinely interested in people, not by trying to get people interested in him.

Yet people blunter through life trying to wigwag others into becoming interested in them. It doesn’t work, because people are not interested in you. They are interested in themselves. (When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first?)

You want approval, recognition of your true worth. You want to feel that you are important. You crave sincere appreciation, not cheap, insincere flattery. So treat others as you would have them treat you.

Where should you begin applying the magic touchstone of appreciation? I know of no place where appreciation is more needed – or more neglected – than in the home.

We nourish the bodies of our children, but how seldom we nourish their self-esteem. We provide them with beef and potatoes, but neglect to give them kind words that would sing in their memories for years. Your spouse has some good points, too, but how long has it been since you expressed your admiration? Do it! And bring a smile in addition, and some warm words of affection.

Florenz Ziegfeld, the most spectacular entrepreneur who ever dazzled Broadway, knew the value of making people feel important and appreciated. He made women feel beautiful by the sheer power of his gallantry and consideration. He was practical: He raised the salary of chorus girls from $30 to $175 a week. And he was chivalrous: On opening night, he deluged every chorus girl with American Beauty roses.

All of us can use the philosophy of appreciation of the other fellow. You can work magic almost every day with little phrases: “I’m sorry to trouble you,” “Would you be so kind as to …”

At a party once, I found myself talking with a botanist. I sat fascinated while he spoke of Luther Burbank and told me astonishing facts about the humble tomato. After I said good-night, the botanist turned to our host, paid me several compliments and ended by saying I was a “most interesting conversationalist.”

An interesting conversationalist? I had said hardly anything. But I had listened intently because I was genuinely interested, and he felt it.

Another bit of advice about the fine art of human relations came from Henry Ford: “If there is any once secret of success,” he said, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.” That is so obvious that anyone ought to see the truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the people ignore it 90 percent of the time.

I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I know that fish prefer worms. So when I go fishing, I think about what the fish want. It is childish to talk about what we want. The only way to influence the other fellow is to talk about he wants and show him how to get it.

But when you have good idea, instead of making the other person think it is yours, why not let him cook and stir the idea himself? Don’t you have more faith in ideas that you discover than in those that are handed to you on a silver platter?

Some years ago, I was planning to go fishing in New Brunswick and wrote the tourist bureau for information. I was soon bewildered by scores of letters and booklets from camps and guides. Then one camp owner sent me the names of several New Yorkers he had served and invited me to call them to discover for myself what he had to offer.

I happened to know one of the men on his list. I telephoned him, found our what his experiences had been and then wired the camp the date of my arrival. The others had been trying to sell me on their service, but one chap let me sell myself.

Arguments, and particularly unnecessary arguments, are a sure way to dissipate goodwill. As a young man I learned this lesson one night at a banquet. The man next to me told a humorous story which hinged on a quotation. He mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. I knew it was from Shakespeare and appointed myself a committee of one to correct him. He stuck to his guns.

An old friend of mine, who had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare, was also at the table. The storyteller and I agreed to submit the question to my friend, who listened, kicked me under the table and said, “Dale, you are wrong. It is from the Bible.”

Later, I told my friend I was certain he knew the quotation was from Shakespeare. “Yes, of course,” he replied. “But we were guests at a festive occasion. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you?”

Since then, having watched the effects of thousands of arguments, I conclude that there is only one way to get the best of an argument: avoid it. Even if you win it, you lose it. Why? You may feel fine, but you have made other man feel inferior, and he will resent you.

In talking with people, begin by emphasizing the things on which you agree. Get the other person saying, “yes, yes,” at the onset. Keep him, if possible, from saying “No,”

Socrates, “the gadfly of Athens,” was one of the wisest persuaders who ever influenced this wrangling world. His technique was based upon getting a “yes” response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. Finally, almost without realizing it, his opponent found himself embracing a conclusion that he would have denied bitterly a few minutes previously. The next time you are smarting to tell a man he is wrong, remember Socrates and ask a gentle question – one that will get the “yes” response.

Perhaps the most fundamental lesson of all comes from Aesop’s fable about the sun and the wind quarrelling over which one was the stronger. The wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See that old man wearing a coat? I bet I can make him take his coat off quicker than you can.”

So the wind blew until it was almost tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man wrapped his coat about him.

Finally, the wind gave up, and the sun came from behind the cloud and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness are always stronger than fury and force.

And so it is today. The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming on earth.



Reader’s DigestSeptember 1976

Special thanks to Mr David Madhavan,
who had introduced me to myself.

Afqin Avarshah
MS017603949
Pusat Matrikulasi Kolej Negeri
Seremban, Negeri Sembilan


Roy L. Smith suggests these "Seven Things You Never Will Regret"

1. Showing kindness to an aged person.
2. Destroying a letter written in anger.
3. Offering the apology that saves a friendship.
4. Stopping a scandal that was wrecking a reputation.
5. Helping a boy find himself.
6. Taking time to show your mother consideration.
7. Accepting the judgement of God on any question.

Monday, May 14, 2007

A Smile




A smile costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it; none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.


A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in the business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.


Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.


Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile as much as he who has no more to give.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Today's in History - Fainted on Top-Gun





It was a memorable day for me. First time I have chance to go to Annual Penang Fest, which is not far from USM, and first game that I am having fun, I got fainted! Needless to say how worry my friends were...

From left: Me, Din and Nuar...

Friend forever... Guys, don't forget to come to my convocation this August!!!

ENGLISH AND ITS CONTRADICTIONS

Let’s face it :
English is a terrible language,
There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and
Neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that :
Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of phone booth
be phone beeth?

If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?

Why do people recite at a play, yet a play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at a unique lunacy of a language where a house can
Burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
( Which of course isn’t a race at all )

That is why when the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.

And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts
But when I wind up this story it ends?

Do infants enjoy the infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the person who plays the piano called a pianist,
But a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposites things?

If horrific means to make horrible,
Does terrific means to make terrible?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
Doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted?
Musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
Tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars
In the universe you will believe them,
But if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it
To be sure?

If u take an oriental person and spin him around several times,
Does he become disorientated?

If people from Poland are called Poles
Why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?


I have always marvelled about English languages....

Warren Buffet, the second richest man-donated $31 billion

Warren Buffet, the second richest man-donated $31 billion

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life:

1) He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2) He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3) He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5) He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6) His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.

7) He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.

8) He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch television.

9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

10) Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

11) His advice to young people: Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

It Pays to be Nice to People


Career Expo & Education in Universiti Sains Malaysia, Penang 2007.
Where nice, friendly and future leaders giving knowledge and helping the graduates to find better position for themselves.





"YOU'RE too friendly,” chided my lady boss when I was scooping ice-cream in an Italian Gelateria during my university days.

I was chatting away to a male customer, taking his order and working the cash register. A little baffled, I wondered what she meant.

“Don’t be na├»ve. You can’t be as nice to guys as you are to girls, you know. They are not as they seem – might take you for a ride,” she warned.

I thanked her for her kind counsel. After mulling over what she had said for a second or two, I decided that it would be quite difficult for anyone to take advantage of me in the brightly lit shop, especially when I was standing behind a humongous ice-cream counter that also acted nicely as a barrier.

Besides, engaging a customer in friendly conversation so he would not buy ice-cream from the other gelato shop down the street would hardly indicate that I was interested in accompanying him home.

As soon as I could walk and talk, my parents had encouraged me to be independent and to be friendly. However, they taught me to be streetwise and warned me of the dangers of being caught unawares – to be wary of snatch thieves and of those who might mean me harm.

What they never taught me, though, was to stop having faith in people.

When I was in university, every summer holiday would be spent freelancing for The Star newspaper. As a journalist going for assignments, I would meet plenty of people, men included; but none had harassed, bothered or “taken me for a ride”.

Being friendly does not mean being flirtatious. We create our own image and impressions. A conversation can be good-humoured yet intelligent. It can be playful, mischievous yet respectful.

In fact, I have found that it pays to be nice to people. Not only do they remember you years later, they speak well of you to others and are more than willing to lend you a helping hand should you need it.

Of course, being “nice” to people does not mean saying things we do not mean, offering promises we have no intention of keeping, or doing something we are not comfortable with, just to remain in favour.

Many people have said to me, “Yeah, you’re still young, that’s why you think everyone is nice. Wait till you get older; you’ll see what I mean.”

I understand that some things can only be learnt through experience, hence the expression “older and wiser”. However, I do not recall any saying that proclaims “older and more jaded”, or “the more successful you get, the more unfriendly you are allowed to be”.

I have come across many people who think themselves a level higher than the rest, simply because their job descriptions come with a degree of power.

People want things and favours from you, therefore you are justifiably more guarded and wary of who you call your friends. Still, these are hardly grounds to be walking around with the nose in the air.

The danger of using work to define oneself is that once we are no longer in our line of work, we lose our identity altogether.

If we use our positions of power, no matter how small, to help, inspire and teach, people will see us for who we are and not just the title on our name cards.

The most mystifying experience I have had is to discover that there are people who are actually impressed by arrogance. If you are nice to them, they think that you must be keh lei feh (Cantonese for “unimportant”); if you behave like a snob, then you must be either rich or famous, or both, so they scramble around trying to pander to your every whim.

No wonder arrogance is such a popular trait among some. But this applies only to an insignificantly small (and weird) group of people, so please do not be tempted to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude just to gain false respect.

At the end of the day, we simply do not lose anything by being nice. Being nice does not mean being foolish; we can be wary, guarded, and careful while still retaining a certain degree of manners and respect for others.

Nice guys may seem to finish last, but in the long run, they win. We just forget to look that far ahead.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Paypal for Malaysian

What is PayPal

PayPal is the world's most popular "middleman service" for online purchasing. Where moneygrams and wire transfers were the standard in the 20th century, today over 96 million Internet users prefer to use PayPal to send money to each other via email. PayPal has become such a convenient and trusted way to transfer money online, 95% of eBay's purchases go through PayPal.

How PayPal Works.

As an online financial transaction broker, PayPal lets people send money to each other's email addresses. At no time will either party see the other's credit card or bank information. Similar to an escrow service, PayPal acts as the middleman holder of money. Through its policies, practices, and business integrity, PayPal has earned the trust of both parties.

With multiple guarantees in place, buyers and sellers entrust PayPal with their credit card and bank information. PayPal keeps that private customer information secret. Then, while "blinded" from the other party's confidential information, strangers safely send money to each other through PayPal and email.PayPal Requirements You need no special technology nor a business license to send/receive money through Paypal. The only requirements are:

a. a valid email address.
b. a valid credit card or bank account.

Paypal For Malaysian

To set up for Paypal account for Malaysian citizen, one must have credit or debit card. To withdraw, Paypal only allows withdrawing to US Bank Account. This means that it is quite difficult. But that doesn’t mean a problem, because nowadays, there are easy and cheap way to Malaysian to withdraw their Paypal fund.

You can choose to use Accent Card which incurs monthly fees, or once having E-Trade check, just write yourself a check, and make deposit to Maybank or CIMB Bank easily. In a month time, you will have the money in your account.


I will be discussing the purpose and usability of Paypal or Malaysian entrepreneur soon. Until we meet again.