Career Expo & Education in Universiti Sains Malaysia, Penang 2007.
Where nice, friendly and future leaders giving knowledge and helping the graduates to find better position for themselves.
"YOU'RE too friendly,” chided my lady boss when I was scooping ice-cream in an Italian Gelateria during my university days.
I was chatting away to a male customer, taking his order and working the cash register. A little baffled, I wondered what she meant.
“Don’t be naïve. You can’t be as nice to guys as you are to girls, you know. They are not as they seem – might take you for a ride,” she warned.
I thanked her for her kind counsel. After mulling over what she had said for a second or two, I decided that it would be quite difficult for anyone to take advantage of me in the brightly lit shop, especially when I was standing behind a humongous ice-cream counter that also acted nicely as a barrier.
Besides, engaging a customer in friendly conversation so he would not buy ice-cream from the other gelato shop down the street would hardly indicate that I was interested in accompanying him home.
As soon as I could walk and talk, my parents had encouraged me to be independent and to be friendly. However, they taught me to be streetwise and warned me of the dangers of being caught unawares – to be wary of snatch thieves and of those who might mean me harm.
What they never taught me, though, was to stop having faith in people.
When I was in university, every summer holiday would be spent freelancing for The Star newspaper. As a journalist going for assignments, I would meet plenty of people, men included; but none had harassed, bothered or “taken me for a ride”.
Being friendly does not mean being flirtatious. We create our own image and impressions. A conversation can be good-humoured yet intelligent. It can be playful, mischievous yet respectful.
In fact, I have found that it pays to be nice to people. Not only do they remember you years later, they speak well of you to others and are more than willing to lend you a helping hand should you need it.
Of course, being “nice” to people does not mean saying things we do not mean, offering promises we have no intention of keeping, or doing something we are not comfortable with, just to remain in favour.
Many people have said to me, “Yeah, you’re still young, that’s why you think everyone is nice. Wait till you get older; you’ll see what I mean.”
I understand that some things can only be learnt through experience, hence the expression “older and wiser”. However, I do not recall any saying that proclaims “older and more jaded”, or “the more successful you get, the more unfriendly you are allowed to be”.
I have come across many people who think themselves a level higher than the rest, simply because their job descriptions come with a degree of power.
People want things and favours from you, therefore you are justifiably more guarded and wary of who you call your friends. Still, these are hardly grounds to be walking around with the nose in the air.
The danger of using work to define oneself is that once we are no longer in our line of work, we lose our identity altogether.
If we use our positions of power, no matter how small, to help, inspire and teach, people will see us for who we are and not just the title on our name cards.
The most mystifying experience I have had is to discover that there are people who are actually impressed by arrogance. If you are nice to them, they think that you must be keh lei feh (Cantonese for “unimportant”); if you behave like a snob, then you must be either rich or famous, or both, so they scramble around trying to pander to your every whim.
No wonder arrogance is such a popular trait among some. But this applies only to an insignificantly small (and weird) group of people, so please do not be tempted to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude just to gain false respect.
At the end of the day, we simply do not lose anything by being nice. Being nice does not mean being foolish; we can be wary, guarded, and careful while still retaining a certain degree of manners and respect for others.
Nice guys may seem to finish last, but in the long run, they win. We just forget to look that far ahead.
I was chatting away to a male customer, taking his order and working the cash register. A little baffled, I wondered what she meant.
“Don’t be naïve. You can’t be as nice to guys as you are to girls, you know. They are not as they seem – might take you for a ride,” she warned.
I thanked her for her kind counsel. After mulling over what she had said for a second or two, I decided that it would be quite difficult for anyone to take advantage of me in the brightly lit shop, especially when I was standing behind a humongous ice-cream counter that also acted nicely as a barrier.
Besides, engaging a customer in friendly conversation so he would not buy ice-cream from the other gelato shop down the street would hardly indicate that I was interested in accompanying him home.
As soon as I could walk and talk, my parents had encouraged me to be independent and to be friendly. However, they taught me to be streetwise and warned me of the dangers of being caught unawares – to be wary of snatch thieves and of those who might mean me harm.
What they never taught me, though, was to stop having faith in people.
When I was in university, every summer holiday would be spent freelancing for The Star newspaper. As a journalist going for assignments, I would meet plenty of people, men included; but none had harassed, bothered or “taken me for a ride”.
Being friendly does not mean being flirtatious. We create our own image and impressions. A conversation can be good-humoured yet intelligent. It can be playful, mischievous yet respectful.
In fact, I have found that it pays to be nice to people. Not only do they remember you years later, they speak well of you to others and are more than willing to lend you a helping hand should you need it.
Of course, being “nice” to people does not mean saying things we do not mean, offering promises we have no intention of keeping, or doing something we are not comfortable with, just to remain in favour.
Many people have said to me, “Yeah, you’re still young, that’s why you think everyone is nice. Wait till you get older; you’ll see what I mean.”
I understand that some things can only be learnt through experience, hence the expression “older and wiser”. However, I do not recall any saying that proclaims “older and more jaded”, or “the more successful you get, the more unfriendly you are allowed to be”.
I have come across many people who think themselves a level higher than the rest, simply because their job descriptions come with a degree of power.
People want things and favours from you, therefore you are justifiably more guarded and wary of who you call your friends. Still, these are hardly grounds to be walking around with the nose in the air.
The danger of using work to define oneself is that once we are no longer in our line of work, we lose our identity altogether.
If we use our positions of power, no matter how small, to help, inspire and teach, people will see us for who we are and not just the title on our name cards.
The most mystifying experience I have had is to discover that there are people who are actually impressed by arrogance. If you are nice to them, they think that you must be keh lei feh (Cantonese for “unimportant”); if you behave like a snob, then you must be either rich or famous, or both, so they scramble around trying to pander to your every whim.
No wonder arrogance is such a popular trait among some. But this applies only to an insignificantly small (and weird) group of people, so please do not be tempted to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude just to gain false respect.
At the end of the day, we simply do not lose anything by being nice. Being nice does not mean being foolish; we can be wary, guarded, and careful while still retaining a certain degree of manners and respect for others.
Nice guys may seem to finish last, but in the long run, they win. We just forget to look that far ahead.
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