Let’s face it :
English is a terrible language,
There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and
Neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that :
Quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of phone booth
be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play, yet a play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
You have to marvel at a unique lunacy of a language where a house can
Burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
( Which of course isn’t a race at all )
That is why when the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts
But when I wind up this story it ends?
Do infants enjoy the infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the person who plays the piano called a pianist,
But a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposites things?
If horrific means to make horrible,
Does terrific means to make terrible?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
Doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted?
Musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
Tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars
In the universe you will believe them,
But if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it
To be sure?
If u take an oriental person and spin him around several times,
Does he become disorientated?
If people from Poland are called Poles
Why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
I have always marvelled about English languages....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I love this. Really good writing. You made a spelling mistake at the end though - you typed "u" instead of "you".
The title should say "English and Its Contradictions", not "It's"
You might be better off calling it 'American English and it's Contradictions'.
Just a few extra conceptual corrections to be had, and meant in the best of humour:
A 'beef-burger' does indeed contain beef. Only fools insist upon calling them hamburgers!
Houses burns down… never up. They always have, they always will. Admittedly, students in the 'US of A' are far too preoccupied with the necessary armed guards in the classrooms to actually dedicate any attention to their physics lectures.
Muffins are indeed English and can be traced back to 10th Century literature, including Jane Austen. Bear in mind that this is some 7 centuries before the rightful inhabitants of Northern America were ousted by the incumbent arrogance that now presides over that slab of land. Anyone who refers to them as a North American delicacy should not be laughed at. They are clearly having neural difficulties, and it's uncivilised to mock the afflicted.
People do not 'recite' at a play. They 'act' and they 'deliver' their lines. One recites poetry; i.e., a Poetry Recital.
You: "English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn’t a race at all)."
Er, yeah.. OK. Completely lost you there, sorry. Firstly, English was not 'invented', rather it 'evolved'.
Secondly, language does not reflect the creativity of the species Homo Sapiens (collective noun) any more than your article does, It represents a necessity to communicate within and between species. As a 'species', Homo Sapiens (plural) speak many languages (as do monkeys). English is predominantly (and usually abominably) spoken by many distinct 'races' within that species.
You: "If u take an oriental person and spin him around several times,
Does he become disorientated?"
'U'? Now I know which school you didn't attend! Apart from the racist nature of the joke, the correct word is 'disoriented'. ;-)
It wasn't all bad. There were a couple of (very old and plagiarised) funny comments in there, though most of the 'witticisms' I've seen printed repeatedly in bools and internet articles since…. time immemorial!
I think Falolout must a decent chap. He's given you very high praise indeed.
Good luck :-)
This is plagiarized. Someone wrote this back in the 1990s.
Dear Anonymous April 23, 2012 12:58
The content was not claimed to be mine and this "English and It's Contradictions" has been circulating in email for quite sometime.
I thanked the one who wrote it but in no way I claim credit for it.
If I did not publish, it might just be in someone's magazine and you might not even be able to read it.
Thanks Bill Kern.. Corrected! LOL
flushing out misandricas,
LOL... appreciate your answer :-)
This one was taken from email (when we dont have facebook, only friendster) and I've been keeping quite a lot of these emails that people have been forwarding... Today, no more, everyone tend to put them pictorially into the facebook posting.
Sigh... Missed that day, when students in the lab were giggling (when wireless phone/computer were still expensive)
Frеeonline gamesIn thisgameyou uѕe thе arrοw Pick uρ siteΑnother
altегnative to hangman games. run a risκ
Gаmеs foг ChildгenAn gгidігon Receіve pictures of groundlеѕs аnimals аnd the other hаlf Hold the
namе calling of the untamеd animals.
Сheсκ out my blοg post; game
Post a Comment